Women are emotional beings. There is no hiding that fact. However, there’s enough pain in the world without adding to it the unnecessary heartache that often accompanies projecting what we want instead of seeing things the way they actually are (my friend said this to me the other day and I thought it was brilliant). And this is especially the case in the beginning of relationships. Women often fantasize or make assumptions about a man’s interest or intentions and unfortunately many times they are way off the mark. The litmus test of any relationship is a man’s actions. I could repeat this 20 times. Please remember that, along with theses five things every woman should know to avoid heartache.
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If a single guy meets you and takes longer than two weeks to set up a date with you, he’s not that interested. You’re thinking, “WHAT?” Well think about it, if you really want to go to an Usher concert, I mean you really love his music and he going to be in your town, would you wait until the day before to get tickets or would you get on that right away? Or how about that beautiful five star restaurant you’ve been dying to go to (Scalini Fedeli in Chatham, NJ), would you just show up on a Saturday night hoping to get a table or would you call and make sure you made reservations? Ok forget about concerts and restaurants, what if you saw the perfect job opening online, would you apply right away or would you wait a month?
I think my point is clear. A man (who is single, ready and willing and has your contact info) who is really interested in getting to know you would not risk NOT setting up a date within two weeks, because he knows he’d be pushed out of the picture by another man. Men know that other men move quick. A man who’s interested enough will make sure he gets in touch and sets up a date.
Similarly if a man doesn’t call within a week or two max from your first date, do NOT get in touch with him AT ALL (yes that means no texts, “Heyy just wanted to see how you were doing,” no voice mails, “Oh I was in the area wanted to see if you wanna grab coffee, no emails, “Thought you would enjoy this.” NO, NO, NO). If a man doesn’t call or get in touch within that time frame of your first date he is not that interested (may be seeing others he likes better) and will not be the man who will marry you (yes, once again there will always be some exceptions but most likely you will not be that exception).
A man who asks you to pay your half or complains he’s paying for everything does not see you as his “dream girl” and has one foot out the door. (You both can make a decision as to who pays BUT as a general rule the man should pay for the first three dates and afterwards women can reciprocate as they see fit.) It’s a real, real, real, real bad sign of his true feelings and things to come when your man does this. He is treating you like a dime a dozen common girl, not his precious lady. It’s a serious sign that he’s complaining about paying for you and asking you to pay. You could get dropped anyday for The Girl. He’s telling you you aren’t *her.* As long as you aren’t The Girl, the girl is still out there, and he is still hoping to *win* her (not ask her to split the check).
End this relationship (You’re thinking, “But wait, no he loves me, no we were supposed to go to Mexico in the summer.” “I met his Mom.” “He loves me.” STOP. Look at actions. A vacation in Mexico where he gets sex, sun and fun is NOT an indication of his undying love. Nor is you meeting his Mom. Big deal. And if he loves you, you won’t have to justify or explain his behavior).
If you have a physical relationship it does not mean a man is serious about you. Men get this. Women, not so much. A lot of times they confuse physical intimacy with real intimacy. Bottom line is don’t give all your time, heart, body and soul to men who aren’t very serious about you (serious is not defined by him taking off his pants), or you could be wasting a lot of your time for nothing. And you could get very hurt. Never assume a man is serious or assume he feels the same as you. If he isn’t talking concretely about marriage, he isn’t very serious about you (yet) so date him but fill up your life with other things.
If it’s been longer than 18 months and the guy you’re dating hasn’t proposed, it ain’t happening. (This is assuming you are both at a “marriage appropriate” age and neither is going through a major life change.) Sure, you can provide ultimatums for him to marry you (marry me or else…and this sometimes works but no girl really wants to do this). Men view ultimatums as being manipulative. The better way is to tell him something along the lines of, “I really enjoy spending with you and I love you but I think we want different things in life, so it’s best we find another partner who wants the same things we do.” If you separate and he realizes he can’t live without you and proposes and you want him back, great. If not, date others.
The reason you shouldn’t continue dating a guy longer than 18 months with no proposal (that is if you want to get married) is because men know *right away* if they CAN marry you (not if they will but if they would want to one day and through dating you make a concrete decision in their mind if they want to marry you or just continue dating you—for whatever reasons, sex, fun, companionship, until they meet someone better, etc.). And that is why a woman should break it off gracefully if her man has not proposed by 18 months and she desires to get married.
Most men who are gaga over their wives loves to tell the story of how they *first* saw her, what they *first* felt, how they *knew* they were going to marry her, how they set out to before even approaching her and how their only intention was to *win* her. They see her and they don’t see a woman. They see a goddess. She has no equal. It is *her* and *her* alone they want. Don’t you want a hubby like this? (Then obey me now. Haha.)
A man knows a woman is the one by her essence not her bra size or hip to waist ratio. A man sees a woman’s essence. He sees it in her face, in her eyes, in the *way* she crosses the street and steps in a puddle, in the *way* she reaches for an apple in the supermarket. The *way* she waits for the bus or walks down the street. It’s her essence emanating from her every pore. It her *her-ness.* Her spirit, something about her essence that is ineffable, that no one can copy if they tried. It’s her *look,* her spark, not her weight or her measurements. It cannot be measured. It is beyond that.
Practice just watching women on the street, hundreds walk by, each one leaves a faint, wispy trail of her universe, as she goes past, the man senses her universe. It’s like electromagnetically conveyed beyond the eyes but it comes through her eyes. He sees her for an instant, crossing the street and he sees her soul. It flickers to him. Suddenly she is more beautiful than any woman who has longer legs, a smaller waist, a dainty nose. These women pale next to her. It’s her *look.* A man sees her and he knows, it’s *her!*