Dictionary.com has several definitions of the word “romantic”. There are two definitions that appear to be in direct conflict with each other:
- fanciful, impractical, unrealistic; as in romantic ideas
- displaying or expressing love or strong affection
This could explain why many couples don’t exactly agree and end up with problems when it comes to the notion of being “romantic”. If one person sees it as impractical, he (more often than not) isn’t going to engage in romantic behaviors. And if the other (usually woman) sees it as an expression of love, she may act romantically to excess. There is a happy medium, especially for stoic native Minnesotans.
One solution is to only be in a relationship with someone who’s ideas of romantic completely match yours. Make that a criteria when you are out actively seeking Mr or Ms Right. Granted, people change over the course of a relationship but if you start out at the same point, you have a better chance of preventing problems.
If you are already in a relationship of opposites, take heart, there is still hope! Lisa and Bill of Minneapolis are a cool example. They have been a couple for 5 years. Lisa has expressed, repeatedly to Bill that she needs some romance in their relationship. She has been specific in identifying her needs. She wants such things as candlelight baths, massages, holding hands in public, surprise roses or teddy bears from time to time, and cuddling on the couch while watching a “chick flick”. Bill on the other hand, sees these things as silly and wants no part of them. He knows he loves her and believes he shows this by being a responsible and caring partner on a day-to-day basis. After many arguments over this discrepency, they finally arrived at a compromise. Bill will now cuddle up with her and watch an adventure flick and surprise her with a massage or a rose. And Lisa has stopped her whining and appreciates his gestures. They both realized that their relationship is healthy and loving and they did not want one problem area to destroy it. While romance can be an important aspect of a relationship, it is not the defining ingredient.
Remember that romance in excess will lose its authenticity and become pointless. But also remember that romance in balance feels good. You have a sense of feeling special and doing things with your partner that you don’t do with anyone else. As you are going through your routine day, you think of your loved one and some of your romantic episodes and you smile and feel tingles, and look forward to being with him/her at the end of the day.
Have a romantic night!