Yep, it’s a pretty common theme. You’ve been part of a couple or a marriage for a long time. Then something happens in your relationship, and BAM! Now, you’re involved in a not-so-friendly breakup. You friends may lean to one side or the other, or they may be able to stay neutral. But either way, you now have a decision to make.
Being involved in a breakup is difficult enough in itself. But when your family or friends are involved, you either have much needed support, or you have too many opinions about your relationship and the ex.
If you’re involved in separation, whether it is a divorce or couple’s breakup, be prepared to draw battle lines. Not for your ex (well, that too), but mainly for you, your friends, and your browser. Social networks have definitely taken over the world, but your relationship’s demise does not belong on the world wide web.
Recently, I watched a 10 year marriage disappear in a puff of smoke on facebook. This couple had separate and joint friends on this site, but a few of the wife’s friend’s couldn’t wait to pounce when news of the breakup was out. This ex-couple had a few things to say to each other as well, but the response from friends added unnecessary fuel to the fire. The husband found himself strongly defending his position against negative comments made by the wife’s friends. He believes his wife should have defended him by claiming some responsibility in the breakup, and by telling her friends to back off. To the wife’s credit, she did make a small statement on his behalf. But to him, that wasn’t near enough considering what had been said. I must say I agree. This activity created an even larger wedge between them making sustaining a friendship next to impossible. This easily could have been avoided if private matters had remained private.
When you start using public postings to comment on your relationship, you are opening a deadly can of worms. Before the first word is written or said, you must seriously consider the situation. Are there kids involved? Are you trying to maintain a friendship with your ex? Do you respect the person and your relationship even though it has ended? Do want to hurt your ex? If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, something good did exist at one time. Something made you care about or love that person. So, now you have to decide if you’re going to let outsiders taint what you once meaningful to you.
We all use social sites to rant every now and then, but commenting publicly about your ex is a no-no, especially when the breakup is new. However, a bigger no-no is letting your friends disrespect you and your relationship. Yes, they may be digging at your ex, but they are disrespecting you. If you need to vent for a minute, fine. But maintain respect for yourself, your ex, and your past relationship. Know when to tell your friends to back off, and don’t be shy about it! Clean the slate and hold on to as much good as you can. Don’t bring your family and friends into it. Leave them on the outside where they belong. Remember, what you (and your friends) write online is out there forever. And one day, you just might regret it!
Thanks for reading!