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I am concerned about the use of girlie magazines and Websites by my 15-year-old son. So I openly talked to him about “life,” and I told him that if he needed “happy private time” that he should let me know and I will give him his privacy. So far I think its working out. I just don’t want him to bring home any of that junk. Am I doing the right thing?
Well, you apparently just gave your son tacit permission to view pornography, as long as he doesnt bring the dirty magazines back to the house. That doesnt sound like the right thing. Talking about life can mean a lot of things, but I think the interpretation of happy private time is fairly clear.
Masturbation is common according to the Kinsey Institute, more than half of boys have done it at least once by age 13 most boys figure it out without parental help. However, pornography is addicting, particularly to young people who lack a full understanding of sexuality. Could the porn satisfy your sons interest in sex and make him less likely to partake of the real thing? Possibly. Could the porn boost your sons interest in sex? Probably. And once hes experienced the porn, is he likely to want to see more of it? Almost certainly.
Yes, teen-age boys are curious about girls, and many of them seek out pornography. However, many of them do not, and probably wouldnt consider it unless someone mentioned it to them. And even if your son would have sought out pornography, as his mother it falls to you to take action to prevent it.
You created a problem here, and only you can clean it up. Check your computer to see if hes accessing pornography. If he is, put a stop to it, either by using an Internet filter or by punishing violations, or both. But be advised that it is much more difficult to shut a door than to prevent it from opening in the first place.
I have a restraining order against my 18-year-old little sister. She says if I lift the restraining order, she will change her ways and come off heroin. I dont know what to do. I want let her back into my life, but Im scared shes lying. Ive got a 24-month-old boy to think about. Should I lift the restraining order?
You didnt specify why you took out the restraining order in the first place. I dont know whether she attacked you or stole from you or did something else entirely. But if you had good reason to take out the order at the time, you probably still have good reason to keep it active.
Realize that drug addicts will say and do almost anything to get a fix. If your sister is truly addicted, then letting her back into your house would potentially put both you and your son at risk. I dont know if your sister actually means what she says. But even if she does, breaking the addition is no picnic. Plenty of people decide to quit and fail, even if they get help.
In this case, you need to see some action before you expose your family to the risks of having a heroin addict in the house. Encourage her to get off the drugs first. Look into programs that will assist her, then point her in the right direction. But regardless of the help your sister receives, she must genuinely want to quit, or it wont work.
If she successfully completes the program AND stays off drugs for six months afterward, consider lifting the protection order. And if you are someone who prays, this would be a fine time to do so.
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