By all indications your relationship is red: you get mad at the sight of your partner; the only time you talk is when there is something to criticize or argue about; you can’t agree on anything; there is no fun or laughter; you no longer have any physical contact (except when there is a fight); you feel depressed, angry, lonely and very unhappy; and there is no more trust, loyalty, respect and love. This situation has been going on for weeks, months, or even years; so why won’t you get out of such a bad relationship and start afresh?
Many of us continue to stay in dysfunctional relationships even when we know it’s a bad bet, often because of fear of loneliness, low self-esteem, a feeling of dependence on our partner for financial or emotional security, fear of being judged, etc. But, this New Year could be your best chance to get out of a bad relationship and start over. Here are five reasons you need to get out:
1. You are at a dead end
It may be hard to accept this fact, but the reality is that your relationship has run out of gas and there is none left in the reservoir. It’s a sad reality but true nonetheless. The earlier you admit this and end such a bad relationship, the faster you can get your life together and build a new stronger, healthier and more fulfilling relationship.
Look at it this way: when we drive to a dead end, we turn back, so why can’t you do the same for yourself when your relationship hits a dead end? Perhaps you need reasons why you hit a dead end; you can’t seem to believe it. One reason is that you probably chose the wrong person for a mate, which means your relationship was doomed right from the onset. Or perhaps both of you relapsed into destructive behaviors that gradually and permanently killed the spark you once shared. Whatever the reason, it is time to end it if it is not working and doesn’t seem like it ever will.
2. You deserve better than what you’re getting
Many of us go into relationships thinking of how lucky we are to be loved by someone, rather than believing that we deserve to be loved because of how amazing we are. You don’t need to form a habit out of being in a bad relationship; you deserve better than that. Don’t settle for less than you deserve in a relationship. If you can imagine a better relationship, you can get it. So start imagining the kind of relationship you want, and if you can’t create it with the partner you have now, you need to take action until you get it. Don’t settle for a controlling and abusive partner, or a partner who diminishes the best in you.
3. A bad relationship can affect success in other areas of your life
A bad relationship can negatively impact your health, self esteem and career. The stress and depression associated with bad relationships can make you more susceptible to various diseases such as diabetes and heart disease. A partner who constantly belittles you in a bad relationship can also cause you to develop a low image of yourself, which can affect your social functioning. The accompanying lack of peace, emotional instability, frustration and anger of a bad relationship can also affect your ability to function effectively at work. All these make getting out of a bad relationship worthwhile.
4. Change can be good
Many of us get stuck in bad relationships because of the fear of change. We tend to say, “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.” But the truth is that the devil you don’t know could be the better of the two. So change can be good. Develop the strength to embrace change and look beyond your fears. Hope is more powerful than fear in accomplishing anything. Resolve to get out of your dysfunctional relationship and embrace change. This is the only way you can find the relationship you truly deserve.
5. Loneliness can be a starting point for happiness
The fear of loneliness can prevent you from getting out of a bad relationship. But the irony is that a bad relationship itself is a lonely place. Unfortunately however, many people get stuck on the false security it temporarily provides, and refuse to get out. You need to understand that being on your own can be your best starting point for happiness. It affords you the opportunity to reflect on yourself and what your needs are in a relationship. It helps you to have more time to do the things you really love, develop yourself, and position yourself to find the one who will truly complete your happiness.
Get out of your dysfunctional relationship this New Year.
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