We all know the famous joke about getting married; the sex stops and your partner suffers from headaches and so on. How this became the norm, or urban legend about marital relations is both funny and conflicting. For young couples heading to the altar, this seems further than the truth as possible. They are still finding inventive and dangerous places to “get busy”…and can’t imagine their lives without it. So how did this “old wives tale” become so wide spread? To start, I would imagine you would have to analyze why two people chose to get married in the first place. It would be unrealistic and shallow if the nuptuals were based solely on physical attraction and under the sheet activity. That will only carry your relationship so far, because once you get to know the person you have joined your life with it may be a shock. This goes back to an earlier article I posted regarding getting to know your mate before you take any larger steps, (“You Aren’t Who I Thought You Were, Novemeber 6, 2010). Marriage is an institution that should be based on two people already knowing the quirks and idiosyncrasies, realizing that they compliment eachother with a balance that can be managed. If you haven’t already learned this about your significant other, WAIT before you walk the plank…err I mean walk down the alter, (sorry ladies…lol). Getting back to the shortage on sex, this is really a matter of personal experience and situation. Knowing a lot of young and middle-aged couples, I don’t see a lot of merit in the statement that intimacy fades after the ring is on the finger. What you can consider are the following truths about sexy-time (thanks Borat) and marriage: both partners are engaged in their careers and work long hours, having children adds another responsibility, different time shifts for work, learning to adapt to new and interesting habits, sport events, childrens’ activities (socccer, softball, etc.) and altering drives. Let me be very clear in stating that none of these are excuses or reasons to not maintain a healthy sex life. They can however, make it a little more challenging to find time to be intimate and focus on foreplay; a sick child wandering into your bedroom at an inapropriate time…I know that struck a nerve for someone!. These are real life examples that just may have been responsible for giving sex and marriage a bad rap. I’m sure at some time or another you have heard a friend or co-worker tell you that once you’re married that your partner is no longer going to be a “freak” behind closed doors. Unfortunate if true for some, as this would be viewed as a tactic to pull you into marriage for all the wrong reasons. Or you may have heard some say that now you are together, there is no longer any need for reckless and spontaneous incidents…also untrue. There are many components of a successful marriage which many people fail to comprehend or consider before devoting themselves fully to their partner. And yes, a healthy sex life is one of them. So before you think about getting the ring…make sure you are balanced and understand your partner and your life as one. Maybe if more people practiced this, marriage and intimacy wouldn’t get such a bad rap…I have NO complaints…(thanks honey).