Guys have many neanderthal ways of interacting with each other. From handshakes to head nods and high fives – guys just get along great, don’t they? You’ll observe fist bumps and bro hugs from Wrigley down to the Cell. Ever witness the douchebag dick-bump when you’re in River North? That’s right, River North – bumping dicks is not just for Boystown anymore! The point is there’s very little drama, large wolf packs, and an overall brotherhood few women can relate to. It’s good to be a guy!
Then there exists a deeper bond even more distinct between guys. A bond reserved only for those with a shared experience. When two (or more) guys have had sex with the same girl, they’re officially bonded as Eskimo Brothers – and Eskimo Brothers have to hug! This realization of shared female attention can be surprising, or very much predicted, but the main understanding is jealousy cannot be a factor in this eskimo relationship; otherwise you’re entering the realm of what it’s like to be a girl.
Too many girlfriend issues revolve around guys and hooking up with or stealing each others.’ All the while it’s usually the guy who’s at fault – pitting girls against each other, manipulating sides, and in the end he skates off free while the female friendship is ruined. It’s sad, but guys can get away with it because of the natural reaction girls have towards each other: that boy is mine!
You need to give it up. Had about enough, ha. Now of course guys are jealous creatures, and by no means is it okay to sleep with a guy’s girl just so you can be Eskimo Brothers. That’s ridiculous. Respect the boundaries of current relationships, crushes, ex-girlfriends who dumped him, and of course – love. These will be delicate issues and no hugging will result. Remember: permission to pursue is always a good idea no matter what. Scenarios like “dibs” fall into a grey area. Sure he saw her first, but if she’s not into him, it’s her decision from there. Just realize it can still cause anger if there’s unwelcomed competition.
Why deal with these grey areas? Some guys actually are very much against following in their friends’ “footsteps.” Avoiding this path can make everything easier on all parties involved. However, guys are lazy, and swimming in another man’s wake could be their main source of female interaction. They say friend-of-a-friend is the best way to meet another, right? Well this is similar – only funnier. Maybe creepier?
As long as the first guy doesn’t care then all is well between brothers. You can share stories, laugh, and ultimately realize neither of you wanted to be with her in the end. How bros-before-hoes is that? Terrible. Eskimo Brothers have to be friends – bottom line.
Eskimo sisterhood is absolutely a possibility. Girls definitely share, it’s just they snarl more! Sisterhood requires more tolerance of the same sex and a non-jealous attitude – it’ll feel different! So stay warm this wintery thundersnow in Chicago. Don’t be fooled by a February heat wave – it ain’t over yet. Find your own girl to stay warm with, otherwise hug it out you dirty little eskimos.
Did you enjoy the article? Comment away. Don’t forget those man-whores who make it IMPOSSIBLE to NOT be Eskimo Brothers because they’re always charming any new girls before you can get to them! Why can’t they just keep it in their pants! As always, you can receive alerts when new columns get posted. Click on subscribe above.