As I have said before, not all MLM businesses have bad products. Some, like Amway’s XS line of energy drinks are actually tasty, and Verve’s energy drink is one of the best I have ever had. eXfuse has created their line of MLM drinks, called Greenzilla, a 2.5 ounce energy shot that their literature claims is the “first ever all natural energy drink”, which is totally true if you don’t count Guru, Steaz, Syzmo, and about 400 other products claiming the same thing who have been here for many years earlier.
Before I begin, I really must thank Caroline for sending me a sample of Greenzilla to try out. If you yourself want to give Greenzilla a try, I would suggest you go to www.exfuze.com/sewickleyhealth or exfuze/nittany7pro for samples and more information.
The idea for Greenzilla’s product line is pretty standard Pyramid Scheme fare. You pay out 200 bucks or so, and get 40 bottles of Greenzilla and a dream of being rich. According to their reseller site, you then give away a bunch of your four dollar shots you just bought – and try to get other people to sign up and spend their 200 bucks. By the time you are done, you end up paying ten bucks a shot, and have to convince up to 36 other people that buying ten dollar energy shots will make them rich too. Not to mention any business model that encourages its sales folks to sign up neighbors, acquaintances, co-workers, cousins, parents and the like fill me with distrust.
Even if you get a good MLM business, you will fail miserably if your product is not stellar. Anyone who thinks they can resell energy shots and expect to make boatloads of money better be sure they have the next Red Bull or 5 Hour in their hands.
Unfortunately, in Grennzilla’s case, they really don’t. Not that this is a bad shot – in fact is has a lot of good things going for it – but there are a lot of mistakes this drink has made too.
First, the bottle is near impossible to read. The light text on light background made this a real pain to read – and completely unnecessary as well. In a bright light, I could make out their ingredients list, although there was no listing of caffeine content anywhere, or any of their more unique ingredients. Instead, they hide everything in a completely annoying “phyto(plant based)-energy blend” They don’t list amounts of ingredients in here, just a dump of confusing ingredients – including all the nutrients from that super energy booster – Sushi! You got your seaweed, your rice, and the amino acids found in fish too!
The first ingredient they list in here is L’Alanyl-L-Glutamine. Glutamine is the possibly most common amino acid, and found in everywhere in foods like fish, eggs, chicken, and my favorite – Bloody Marys. Hard to go wrong with adding amino acids to an energy shot.
But then things seriously did go wrong. Next is Blue Green Algae, which is a very odd ingredient to put in any drink on purpose. After all, it is not every day I get to drink Pond Scum. It seems the doctor behind this drink read some studies about how pond scum is healthy and good for you – it’s a plant, right? Just because it is an interesting plant does not mean it gives a tired person a boost, an energy drink, shot or coffee drinker what they need to function, orsomehow fill them with enough energy to destroy Tokyo, or even Neo-Tokyo.
And talking of the Japanese, it seems the good doctor heard some good things about japanese rice milk being energizing, and mentioned in an interview that those exotic Japanese people have been using their brown rice milk as an energy booster for decades. WHAT??? Rice Milk it is not in any energy supplement EVER ANYWHERE – not even in Japan. It’s rice milk.
Next is Betaine. Probably they were referring to Trimethylglycine which is a common amino acid found in fish too. No idea why it is in here either, as it really does not seem to have much to do with energy or metabolism – but can help you if you are addicted to getting your glutamine from Bloody Marys (it is supposed to aid your liver).
Then here comes the energy drink standards: Caffeine, D-Ribose, ginseng, inositol, N-Acetyl L-Tyrosine and Taurine. The really annoying thing is, NOBODY seems to know how much caffeine is in here! I even called their HQ, and they told me they had NO IDEA how much caffeine there was in the product, and the reason is because you can’t get an accurate caffeie count from Green Tea – which is complete and total bullshit. Their own customer service department doesn’t even know how much of an ingredient there is in here.
Lastly there is a proprietary chaperone molecule. Simply put chaperone molecules are substances that bind to other substances and temporarily change them so that they my pass through the stomach acid then once through they release the active ingredient in its original state. This is the most interesting substance in here – although I have no idea why on earth they would want to put it in a drink, though my guess is to make my fish amino, rice milk and pond scum be absorbed faster into my body. If only I had some molecular wasabi.
I guess the biggest test would be if it works. I picked a hard day for it. Too many bloody marys the night before. I did not get enough enough sleep either- and a full day of doing stuff. I HAD to have energy that day, and instead I had foggy senses and a slight headache. I drank one shot of Greenzilla down. Nothing. fifteen minutes later I downed shots two and three. My head cleared a little, but I had only about two hours of feeling caffeinated before feeling drowsy and hitting the coffeepot. While this was a decent energy shot for the short time I felt caffineated, all that amino spirulina rice milk could not get me back up to functioning levels for long. Maybe it works better if you drink these for weeks and weeks – like if you had forty of them you could drink for a couple months…
They say this is the best tasting energy drink ever. Sorry, but I have tried many dozens of energy drinks, and this is not even close to the best – not even in the top 20. Now, it is better tasting than 5 hour energy, but 5 hour tastes like rubber cement and prune juice. Greenzilla is a very harsh flavor, tasting very medicinal and strong. I would compare the flavor to a concentrated lemonade mixed with a chewable vitamin. I can definitely taste the green tea and other herbal notes on top of the citrus flavors. While I did not mind the sour taste and slight medicinal afternotes, I have certainly tasted much much better.
At first, I was surprised at the package I received in the mail. Usually, if company wants me to try something out, they send enough samples for me to try out for a couple days, or in a couple ways. In this envelope, however, was one single shot. I was initially disappointed, as I like to try things more than once to be fair and honest, and I could not see how one shot cut it.
Then I read the label. In this little 2.5 ounce shot, they list it as three whole servings! I could see when Spike made a four ounce doubleshot, but for something that is normally equated as a one shot drink, packing in three servings just seems shady, like you are putting something over on consumers. It is like when products get released saying they have half the calories, and then halve the serving size. Add the non-informational nutritional label with the sneaky 3 serving two ounce size and the hard to read fonts, and you end up with some serious problems.