If I told you that you had 60 seconds to call your ex and tell them that they won the lottery and that if you didn’t call them, they would forfeit $1 million tax free dollars, that they could spend at their leisure, would you do it? Though you’re the only one out of us two who knows the answers to that question, I invite you to read on if your answers was “no”.
A tragic break up is quite frankly, much like an open wound. There is obvious hurt and pain, and often times residual emotions still bleed from feelings that you aren’t quite over. The worst thing to do with any wound is to ignore it. The worst thing to do with your residual emotions are to ignore them. Unless your goal in regards to your ex, is to be bitter, resentful and hateful; you must clean things up for your own health.
What does that mean exactly? I’ll elaborate.
Whatever happened that caused you two to be over cannot un-happen. For that reason alone, there is no need to replay the events, and continually hurt yourself. You may not want hear or believe this, but a relationship takes more than one person to live and die. Perhaps the problem wasn’t “your fault” or “their fault”. Maybe the dynamics of what you had just did not support both of your lifestyles anymore.
So, what do you do now?
First tend to your wound by cleaning it. Accept what has happened as a chapter and experience in your life. Realize that you can’t live yesterday over again, and don’t try to. Allow yourself to adopt a new outlook on what has happened. It was not YOU who ended, it was the RELATIONSHIP that ended.
Next, don’t look at your ex as your enemy. This is not to necessarily say that you should hurry up and try to be friends with your ex either. No. What I’m suggesting is to look at your ex, as just your ex; someone that was previously in your life, who isn’t anymore, and try to leave it at that. It may take a little while for you to completely adapt to this new mentality, but once you do, you’ll feel yourself healing.
Finally, understand the benefits of forgiveness. When you allow yourself to forgive someone for whatever it is that they’ve done, what you’re essentially doing is giving yourself permission to move on with your life freely. Forgiving doesn’t necessitate forgetting necessarily, but it does mean freeing yourself of the resentment, and anger that you hold because of someone else.
Look at it like this: When you carry your bad feelings around, you’re the only one who is hurt by them, not your ex. It’s your mental or physical health that’s being affected. It’s your concentration that’s being broken. It does you no good, and they are of no value to you, so let them go.
You are already living in the future of your past. It’s already happeniing, and now is the time for you to decide whether you are going to let your wounds heal by living for today and planning for tomorrow, or let your past continue to hurt you.