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Hi Dawn can you please help me with this problem, from Debbie in Woodland Hill, CA
I love my husband but I am not attracted to him anymore, in fact the thought of having sex with him is upsetting to me. It’s not that I don’t like sex; it’s just that I don’t like sex with him and I don’t know what to do about it. He is very sweet to me and we get along well enough but his idea of sex is to just stick it in and then you know do his thing and that’s that. I am not experienced with sex since we got married real young and he is my first, but I have read enough to know that it is not normal. I tried to talk to him about it but he gets real weird and kind of just changes the subject. We one child and as I do want more, I think that I should not because I think that something is wrong please let me know what to do.
Hi Debbie from Woodland Hill CA,
Debbie you are correct in asking this question and as you may feel alone in this, you are not. This happens in many marriages. Your husband is not being intimate with you, nor is his making love to you; he is just having sex with you to have sex. I am not sure what your age is or if he has had other partners, but I believe that he is under the misconception that this is a duty in marriage and he is doing the duty. A few things comes to mind, and that is number one was he brought up in a strict religious home where sex was not talked about and considered dirty? Number two; there is the possibility that he has some question or confusion with his sexuality, number three, what were the circumstances for getting married? He may just have been too young and not ready to take on the responsibly of marriage and children and this is how he is acting out. Beyond the question of why, is what you need to do now. If you can get him into couples counseling that would be a good start, if he will not go then you should go yourself.
Another idea, if he does not want to talk about sex, is to try something new in the bedroom with him without talking about it, place his hand over yours and show him what makes you feel good, teach him by showing him. In order for you to do this of course you have to also know your own body first. So spend some time bringing pleasure to yourself and getting to know your own body. This will also help to boost your desire and give you some added confidence in the bed room. The best thing that you can do is what you’re doing and that is to not to ignore the situation and to do something about it now. The last thing that you want is to continue to have children and be in and unhappy marriage and then eventually leave. Take action now and do something about it.
Dawn’s professional website is www.thehappyspouse.com