I’m so so so so so sorry I forgot our anniversary. Things at the Shore have been off the charts crazy. I know that isn’t a good excuse, but I’m sure you understand. Right?
Maybe I have a brain injury and that’s why I forgot. Sammi and I had another slugfest and I’ll tell you what, that little bitch can scrap. The producers and security jumped in before I could pound her, but she ripped a chunk of my weave out. I guess the fight was a draw, but I’ll womp her ass next time for sure.
The thirty-seven SoCo and Limes (at least it wasn’t Ron Ron Juice!) I had at Karma could have had something to do with our special day slipping my mind. But, hey! It was our first night at the clubs, ya know? Karma was bangin’! The house music was crankin’ and we were beating the beat up on the dance floor the way only true guidos and guidettes can do. The best part was Ronnie and Sammi deciding to stay home. They are such losers. Vinny had a stalker, or as he called her, a “parasite”. Snooks disappeared for a while and when we found her, she was hiding in a bush. It was one of those nights. Vinny and Sitch were “hog-hunting” all night and brought home a skank from the club. I guess they were planning to tag-team her. (Speaking of tag-teams, have their been any messages from the WWE? Don’t they recognize that I would be the best female professional wrestler EVER?!) When MV (P was missing) got this broad home, Vinny pulled a robbery move on Mike and took over the guest bedroom.
I don’t even know why Ron and Sam decided to come to Seaside this summer. It’s obvious that they don’t want to have anything to do with the rest of roomies. They went to some crappy restaurant instead of joining us for Sunday Family Dinner. Who does that? Then, when we all went to the boardwalk, Sammi refused to get on any rides. She just stood there with her arms crossed, pouting. It was really pathetic.
Promise me we will never turn into that kind of couple. I love you lots, despite all of our problems on Long Island. When I get home, I’ll make up for forgetting our anniversary, just you wait! ;-)~
Your Buxom Bruiser,
Words To Live By:
“She’s a female backpack.” – Deena in reference to Sammi following Ronnie around all the time.
“New girl, what’s in a boob?” – Vinny “Fat tissue, I think.” – Deena
“I will pee in a bush, I will poop in a bush, I will hide in a bush.” – Snooki