I really have to quit doing so much blow. My life is in shambles right now, it’s like I keep taking one step forward and two step backs. I have a sinus infection and a deviated septum, so I can’t snort coke. Instead, I came up with a genius idea to cram a gram or two up my rear-end and ingest the stuff that way. It worked really well for a couple of days, but all good things must come to end. I started bleeding out of my ass. That’s right, you heard me correctly. Blood. Out. Of. My. Ass. The idiot doctor did a little two-knuckle shuffle, told me to slow down on the drinking and sent me home. Looks like the only way I’m going to be able to keep doing blow is to cook up a little cocaine-steroid speedball and inject it right into my jugular vein. What’s the worst that could happen, right?
Sam and I are done. For good this time. I mean it. She is so self-centered and bitchy. She couldn’t even help clean the refrigerator out when we asked her to. The guys do all the cooking and cleaning around here and the girls just sit on their fat asses complaining. I mean, I do everything for Sam. What don’t I do, besides wipe her ass and breath for her. Hell, sometimes I even wipe her ass for her.
I feel like such a dick, first Sam and I took the big bedroom with three beds and now that we split up, one of us is going to to have to switch rooms.
I’m not the only roommate having issues romantically. Snooki found herself a typical Jersey guido but he turned out to be a bit of a stalker. I didn’t realize it was possible for a guy to strike out with Nicole, I thought she desperate enough to put up with just about anything.
Speaking of stalkers, Pauly D continues to surprise everyone in the house with his heart of gold. He sees Danielle, the Israeli Stalker, at Karma and invites her back to the house. He even kept the “I <3 Jewish Girls” t-shirt that she made him last summer. I gotta give the Stalker credit, she has pretty thick skin. Her visit to the house turned into a non-stop diss session with everyone firing zingers at her with both barrels.
I can’t believe my boy Dario hooked up with Deena! Gross, dude. She gave up the Golden ticket on the first night, I just hope Dario double-bagged it.
Until next week,
Words To Live By:
“I told him (Pauly) I’m taking his sperm, and making babies out of it.” – Snooki
“I just don’t like work because I don’t like working.” – Snooki
“I need closure, bro.” – Sammi