There are no words that can begin to describe how sorry I am for hurting you. I know that there is no excuse for my behavior, but you know how I get when I’m between cycles. Being a juicehead has its advantages, but unfortunately fits of rage just kind of come with the territory.
I have been crying non-stop since you left. I was on the roof bawling and Mike tried to comfort me, but really all he was doing was spouting off cliches. The girls aren’t really being very supportive, they all look at me with a combination of disgust and terror. You’re really lucky, Sammi. The girls all have your back despite how awful you treated them the whole time.
Mostly, I think everyone is just sick and tired of our drama. “I’m not on Ron’s side, I’m on Sam’s side and I don’t want to be a part of this because its so annoying,” Snooki said. And, who can blame them really? Viewers tune into Jersey Shore to see Snooki do crazy stuff, to watch MVP mack on grenades and to see Jwoww throw down on people. By now everyone is bored with our relationship. People are celebrating the fact that you went home and they wish that I would have left the shore house also. I feel like I’m the only one who misses you.
I was such a mess at work the other day that I locked myself in the Shore Store’s bathroom to have a good cry. I just wanted to be left alone, but that was impossible because Snooki kept banging on the door and screaming about having to take a dump. I hope you got the flowers I sent. I just want you to know I love you more than anything; more than steroids, more than faux-hawks, more than tight t-shirts, more than Ron-Ron Juice, more than everything in the world.
The fellas tried to cheer me up by taking me to the barber shop. While I was out of the house, the girls snuck into our room and moved all of your stuff out. When I got home and saw all of your things missing, it dawned on me that you are really gone. Please come back to me. I promise to never trash your room, break your glasses and throw your bed outside every again. I’m miserable without you. I tried going to Karma and having a good time, but I just turned into a big, weepy, c-blocking chump. No body wants to party with a guy who’s crying all the time. It’s a buzzkill.
I miss you so much. Please give me a second (err, hundredth) chance.
Words To Live By
“Some days I’m Uncle Situation, some days Doctor Situation, Chef Situation, Bang Your Girl Situation. I’m a pretty deep dude.” – Mike
“What am I gonna tell him? Put on some Michael Bolton? A little fetal position action? Sh*t’s gonna be OK.” – Mike
“Team Meatballs; one, Bromance; zero,” – Deena
“His name isn’t Sitch anymore. It’s Snitchuation.” – Vinny
“I’m gonna start calling guys hunks.” – Deena
“Have a cawfee, and then it will flow out of your butthole like a rainstorm.” – Snooki
“She needs some roughage in her diet.” – Pauly
“Deena turns into the Slopapotomus.” – Mike