MTV’s Jersey Shore is the reality series that will not die, the Red Bull-soaked, fist-pumping, pickle-chewing monstrosity that went from “bizarre new show that clearly won’t last” to “Holy sh-t, is that The Situation eating dinner with Obama?!” in just two seasons (please note that the Situation has never had dinner with Obama). The third season starts tonight, but are we ready for it? Read on for our exclusive preview/commentary on tonight’s third season premiere of Jersey Shore, my gentle Examiner readers…
We’re just hours away from the third season premiere of MTV’s Jersey Shore, and the anticipation is reaching a fever pitch online…
OK, perhaps that’s a little on the hyperbolic side, but fans of MTV’s grossly soulless and morally repugnant reality series have had the premiere plugged into their DVR’s for weeks, and some of us are genuinely looking forward to this new batch of episodes. Excitement– and a fine mist of Aquanet– is definitely in the air.
Don’t bother asking, “Why?”, because even the people that watch Jersey Shore don’t understand why they watch Jersey Shore (except for the guy in that video on the left, who knows exactly why he watches Jersey Shore). When the series began running its first commercials– what feels like just months ago– the response that most people had was confused amusement.
People saw the promos for Jersey Shore and said, “Oh, those people look like idiots. We should absolutely make a point to tune in and watch them be idiots whenever that show airs. Watching those people act like idiots will not be compelling or enlightening in any way, but it will almost certainly be ridiculous enough to spend an hour of my time on.”
Then we watched an episode of MTV’s Jersey Shore, and were further dumbfounded to discover ourselves tuning in the following week. By that point, the thinking had changed to, “Oh, these people are definitely idiots. I cannot believe that I’m now spending a second hour of my life watching them behave this way, but their ridiculousness and shameless douchebaggery is wildly entertaining, and they are all more self-aware than I would have expected. Continuing to watch their absurd adventures will destroy the few brain cells I have left, but it’s a sacrifice worth making.”
Over the course of that first season, we all grew to love those idiots. Snooki turned out to be the show’s mascot, while The Situation turned out to be the group’s de facto leader (and, in a famous Funny or Die sketch–that you can also see on the left–he proved that he could act: who knew?). Ronnie and Sammi turned out to be the most popular abusive couple since Tina and Ike, and Angelina turned out to be the worst human being to walk the Earth since Hitler (no hyperbole there, folks). Pauly D was the lovable scamp, while J-WOWW was all too happy to slap a b-tch if the situation called for it (not “The Situation”, but a situation…you see what I mean). They were all dysfunctional, trashy, stupid, vacuous, and vain, but they were a helluva lot more fun to watch than any of the jerk-offs MTV had cast on The Real World since…oh, about ’92, ’93.
The second season debuted to much anticipation, but for many the novelty had worn off, especially when MTV pulled the double-stunt of re-hiring Angelina (remember: world’s worst human being, folks) after she quit the first season and encouraging the ongoing on-again/off-again romance– more like a perfect storm of herpes, shouting, and fist-pumping– between Sammi and Ronnie. Viewers were tired of these stale storylines, and Angelina was, to be perfectly frank, a complete drain on the “fun” the show offered throughout its first season. Fists were shaken at the sky, and many an angry article was written, but…the ratings increased.
The stars of Jersey Shore started showing up on The Tonight Show.
They appeared on every red carpet, they signed endorsement deals.
They wrote books. They had profiles written about them in GQ. They pulled in ratings that almost no other show on TV could compete with.
Yes, for all our whining about the way that season two began, people continued to tune in, even as we condemned the show in Facebook postings, conversations, and in hastily written articles about why Angelina is the world’s worst human being (OK, OK, we won’t link to it again). MTV’s Jersey Shore became– somewhere around the third or fourth episode of its second season– an undeniable cultural phenomenon. You might argue that point (or, more precisely, every moral fiber in your body compels you to argue that point), but it’s the truth.
And now, here we are: Jersey Shore, season three. It’s happening, tonight. Right now, MTV’s running a day-long marathon of season two episodes, just in case you wanna get all caught up on the goings-on before the third season premiere debuts this evening. You don’t wanna be left out, do ya? You wanna understand all the drama, finger-pointing, and grudges, don’t ya? If you’ve never seen an episode of MTV’s Jersey Shore, I strongly suggest that you back away from the computer right now and check in with MTV, because the endless pontifications and editorials are going to begin again tomorrow following tonight’s season premiere.
What do we know about the third season thus far? Promos released by MTV indicate that the vuvuzela is alive and well in the Jersey Shore house (now located back on the actual shore, rather than the pitiable hotel that housed these creatures in Miami last season), that a new cast member (replacing the god-awful, walking-reason-for-abortion Angelina) has joined the crew (and that she’s all too happy to disrobe at a moment’s notice), and that Ronnie and Sammi continue to fall in love, learn to hate one another, break-up, make-up, wash, rinse, and repeat. In other words, it’s more of the same.
It’s a testament to both our enduring, inexplicable love for these idiots and the empty wasteland that primetime TV is right now that we should be looking forward to tonight’s third season premiere so thoroughly. Check out the videos on the left, leave your comments (if you’ve got ’em) below, and stay tuned for our review/recap of tonight’s season premiere as soon as we’ve got it available: Jersey Shore is back, folks, and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it.
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