I have come to look at dating as a competitive sport. It is like job interview, we post our profiles and wait for someone to pick us out of the crowd to see if we are a good fit. Height, weight, hair color, age, and children all play a major role in if you’ll get the job. It’s a tough market out there and matching with Mr. Right could mean years of interviews.
Depending on the dating site matches are sent either daily or weekly. In addition some sites allow users to browse profiles of members who aren’t their match and others only allow communication with members who have been matched. The first method of browsing any profile based on settings the user selects obviously offers greater possibilities.
All the sites provide a few paragraphs about how their site is the best at matching the most compatible couples. They offer personality tests and surveys. The problem here stems from users not being truthful when completing the forms. We all think we know what the another person wants and if you spend any time dating on line it is obvious many of users lie during this part of the process. Who wants to answer the question, “Do you need the constant affection or approval of your partner” honestly? Saying yes indicates you are codependent and most of us know that codependency is unhealthy.
If these compatibility test were taken honestly and really worked how does an independent college educated women with a solid career and a child match with a fast food worker who still lives in his mothers basement?
Or when I have indicated that I don’t want to date someone more than three years younger or ten years older why am I being matched with men who are already grandparents or closer to my fathers age? Even better is when I am matched with someone young enough to be my son. I’ll admit the twenty year old eye candy is tempting on some levels, but honestly could there be a real future there? I don’t think so.
The reverse seems to be true for many men. Not only do they seem willing to date someone half their age, some men seem to prefer it. Their profiles document this easily with statement like “divorced 46 year old man looking for single woman age 21 – 40“. Two weeks ago I saw the ex-husband of a very good friend window shopping downtown with his girlfriend. She was easily twenty years his junior. His oldest daughter is in college, and my guess was so is his current girlfriend. I wonder if he met her while visiting his daughter at school?
Women in their 30’s with kids are in competition with not only younger women but also with women who had their children when they were young. Many men in this age group have raised their families and aren’t willing to start over. I waited till I was in my thirties to have my son. I still have many years left as a full time mom and long as my son is home he will be my priority. That leaves me only every other weekend to search for Mr. Right. A number of potential dates have walked away because my schedule was not free enough to come and go as he pleased.
Baseball practice, school plays, birthday parties all take priority over meeting a date for dinner or drinks. If a man has kids close in age to my son he is usually more understanding. Then there are the visitation schedule conflicts and activity conflicts making it even more difficult. At the end of the day a good man may be passed over because schedules never match up.
Eventually there is supposed to be a match for everyone. Keep interviewing and the right fit will come along when the time is right regardless of the competition or obstacles. Dating sites are just like job sites where you post a resume and wait to see who comes along. So leave the profile up and wait it out. A match is out there.