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Post-Apocalyptica: Thundarr the Barbarian in Secret of the Black Pearl

by glow bass

Thundarr and friends are riding hard through the woods to surprise a wizard, or something, when they discover what can only be described as a gorilla-lizard. One growl from Ookla changes its mind.

Lizard Ape

  • Lizard Ape (CR 3, HD 4d8+12)
  • N Large Magical Beast (Reptilian)
  • Init +2 Spd 30 or Climb 30
  • Senses Scent (Ex); Low-light Vision (Ex); Darkvision (Ex): 60 ft. | Listen +6, Spot +8
  • AC 15 (FF 13, Touch 11)
  • hp 33 (Disabled -3/Dying -16/Injury 16)
  • Saves: Fort +7, Ref +6, Will +2
  • +4 Saves vs. Magic Sleep Effects and Paralysis,
  • Atk +8 base melee, +4 base ranged; Grapple +13; Face 10’x10′; Reach 10′;
  • +8 Melee (2 Claw 1d6+6/crit 20/x2) and +3 Melee (Bite 1d6+3/crit 20/x2);
  • Abilities STR 23, DEX 15, CON 16, INT 2, WIS 12, CHA 9
  • Feats: Alertness, Toughness.
  • Skills: Climb + 15, Intimidate + 1, Listen + 6, Spot + 8.

They next stumble upon a human about to be sacrificed by rat-humanoids known as groundlings. The human is Tyron, courier of the Black Pearl. This artifact, once owned by Gemini (remember him?) is taking it to the humans of Manhat.

Groundling

  • Groundling (CR 2, HD 2d8+1d6+9)
  • Humanoid2/Rog1
  • NE Medium Humanoid
  • Init +9 Spd 30
  • Listen +2, Spot +4
  • AC 18 (FF 13, Touch 15) plus Dodge
  • hp 26 (Disabled -3/Dying -17/Injury 17)
  • Saves: Fort +6, Ref +7, Will +0
  • Atk +3 base melee, +6 base ranged; Grapple +3;
  • +3 Ranged (Crossbow, light, Masterwork 1d8/crit 19-20/x2)
  • +4 Melee (Rapier, Masterwork 1d6+2/crit 18-20/x2) and -1 Melee (Bite 1d6 plus disease)
  • Rogue Features: Sneak Attack +1d6, Trapfinding, ,
  • Abilities: STR 14, DEX 21, CON 17, INT 14, WIS 10, CHA 6
  • Feats: Armor Proficiency: light, Dodge, Improved Initiative, Simple Weapon Proficiency.
  • Skills: Bluff +0, Climb +4, Drive +4, Gather Information +2, Hide +11, Intimidate +2, Listen +2, Move Silently +11, Open Lock +7, Sense Motive +4, Spot +4, Tumble +7, Use Magic Device +2, Use Rope +7.
  • Weapons: Crossbow, light, Masterwork; Rapier, Masterwork. Armor: Studded leather, Masterwork. (Spell Failure 15%).
  • Disease (Ex) Filth fever; bite, Fortitude DC 12, incubation period 1d3 days, damage 1d3 Dex and 1d3 Con. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Ahem. Manhat? So…many…jokes…Oh wait, Manhattan. Got it. Never mind.

Ariel casts a spell that puts the old man in healing stasis – is there anything Ariel can’t do?

In the ruins of Manhat is, along with the sunken Statue of Liberty, the shell of the Twin Towers. Freaked me out for a second.

Soon enough the groundlings catch up to Thundarr driving motorcycles. Once again, only in Thundarr do we have humanoid rats riding motorcycles. It’s like a game of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

There’s some surprising character development in this episode. Thundarr shows how much of a badass he is by taking on 30+ groundlings, and Ariel gets emotional about his risk-taking.

Another staple of Thundarr is that Ariel introduces a modern concept, and Thundarr slowly pronounces it. “moo-VIE?” She then tries and fails to explain the concept before giving up.

So it turns out Gemini’s evil side is Fred Flintstone. Come to think of it, my evil side is a lot like Fred Flintstone.

Ariel gets kidnapped and Gemini helpfully points out that the Black Pearl cancels out his magic. After casting hold person on Ookla, Gemini gives up and sends in his robot knights via helicopter. Then, Ookla and Thundarr fly the helicopter to Gemini’s lair. That’s right, the fly it. Gemini, who has a somewhat curious faceplate switching double-head, finds his face mask to be a hindrance when Ariel locks it shut. Then it’s on to the escape plan.

Ariel says it best:

“Ookla? In a helicopter? That’s our transportation?”

When Ookla predictably crashes the helicopter, Thundarr just jumps. That’s it. Several stories up, Ariel asks if he’s seriously planning to just go straight down, and…then he jumps. He lands on his horse’s back, no worse for where, and tells ariel that “it was nothing.” I would have preferred some animation showing Thundarr sliding down the curve of a roof, or bounce off an awning, or something. But no. He just jumps, doesn’t break his horse’s back or his own neck, and all with a, “it was nothing.”

Oh well, not every episode can be perfect. But I forgive the writers, because in the next scene, Gemini brings the Statue of Liberty to life and she uses her torch as a flamethrower. That’s the way Thundarr works – if you see something that might look cool, like a giant robot ape or the Statue of Liberty, it’s guaranteed to come to life against all odds and try to kill Thundarr.

Animated Statue of Liberty

  • Statue of Liberty (CR 10, HD 32d10)
  • N Colossal Construct
  • Init -3 Spd 10
  • Senses Darkvision (Ex): 60 ft.; Low-light Vision (Ex); | Listen -5, Spot -5
  • AC 11 (FF 11, Touch -1)
  • hp 256 (Disabled 0/Dying —/Injury –)
  • Saves: Fort +10, Ref +7, Will +5
  • Immunity: Critical hits (Ex), Immunity: Mind-Affecting Attacks (Ex), Immunity: Poison (Ex), Immunity: Sleep Effects (Ex), Immunity: Paralysis (Ex), Immunity: Stun (Ex), Immunity: Disease (Ex), Immunity: Death Effects (Ex), Immunity: Nonlethal Damage (Ex), Immunity: Ability Damage (Ex), Immunity: Ability Drain (Ex), Immunity: Fatigue (Ex), Immunity: Exhaustion (Ex), Immunity: Energy Drain (Ex), Immunity: Fortitude Save-Based Attacks (Ex), Immunity: Death from Massive Damage (Ex), Immunity: Necromancy (Ex)
  • Atk +25/+20/+15/+10 base melee, +13/+8/+3/-2 base ranged; Grapple +49; Face 30’x30′; Reach 30′;
  • +25 Melee (Slam 4d6+13/crit 20/x2);
  • SA:Torch (Ex), Trample (Ex)
  • SQ: Racial Traits: Construct, Hardness (Ex), No Natural Healing (Ex), Cannot be Raised or Resurrected,
  • Abilities STR 28, DEX 4, CON –, INT –, WIS 1, CHA 1
  • Trample (Ex): The Statue of Liberty can trample creatures two or more sizes smaller for 4d6+13 slam damage. Opponents who do not make attacks of opportunity against the object can attempt Reflex saves (DC 26) to halve the damage.
  • Construct: Immune to mind-influencing effects, poison, disease, and similar effects. Not subject to critical hits, subdual damage, ability damage, energy drain, or death from massive damage.
  • Hardness (Ex): 10.
  • Torch (Ex): 30-foot cone of fire (6d8 fire damage, Reflex 26 for half)

Fighting the Statue of Liberty isn’t really an option, as Thundarr discovers, so he just throws the stupid pearl at it, which shorts out Gemini and his giant animated landmark. The pearl is gone, but then so is Gemini, so the Manhats call it a draw.

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