The Art of War When Dating for Women
(#1) Prescreening is key but pointless if you don’t act on the information obtained.
Prescreening is casually bringing up questions that reveal information about your deal/no deal standards.
Example:If I’m out during the week having dinner by the bar and talk to someone else, I will casually ask (smiling/laughing)-what are you doing away from the kids on a school night? [My question: do you have kids (in disguise)? He will probably reveal how many, if any, and ages] His response will let me know what path I will enter with him. If over the course of our casual conversation he reveals something that’s a deal breaker, I keep conversation super friendly like an old pall which will lead to no number/contact exchange.
Example #2:If I’m out and about and someone approaches me or I end up in a conversational situation I might say- I’m surprised your girl let you out alone tonight? [My question: Are you in a relationship? His response will determine if we end up just having a casual conversation with no future contact or if possibly I might be interested further]
Ladies, if you know you want an intelligent, professional, corporate man with no kids
the man you are entertaining is splitting verbs, cursing like a sailor, mentions he has kids by multiple women and works some menial job
CONVERSATION OVER. NO FURTHER CONTACT NEEDED. END THE CONVERSATION WITH I’M GETTING OUT OF HERE –IT WAS COOL TALKING TO YOU- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. NO I DON’T NEED YOU TO WALK ME TO MY CAR. NO-I’M KIND OF SEEING SOMEONE, ETC. KEEP IT MOVING-NO DATING EVEN IF YOU ARE BORED TO DEATH.
(#2) No excuses for unacceptable behavior in the beginning of your interaction or on your first dates.
If you go out with this guy and he’s eyeing every other woman around. If he’s trying to flirt with the waitress or catch the eye of the girl who just walked into the restaurant. He needs to be toast. No need for conversation about his lack of respect or excuses as to why he was a no show or cancelled on you. You are not going to tolerate it. He will realize his behavior someday when he understands you no longer return his phone calls or text messages. You teach people to respect or disrespect you by what you tolerate and allow.
If you go out and he feels that he can mingle with other people while in your presence and it’s okay because yall aren’t together……….no problem. What he doesn’t know is this is the LAST time he will ever have the pleasure of your company.
(#3) He can come correct or step off.
DO NOT ACCEPT: last minute invites -same day, what are you doing tonight? –why don’t you come over and hang out? –late night dates (nothing after 9pm)
Beginning dates are his best foot forward time and you are too special to be someone’s backup plan, whatever chick, or an afterthought. Matter of fact –you shouldn’t even respond to these invitations. When you get “around” to contacting him another day and if he asks; just mention you “had plans” or “had something planned” that day. Say nothing more and nothing less. He isn’t entitled to an explanation about your whereabouts. That’s none of his business.
(#4) You are not his counselor or his date advisor.
At no time should he feel comfortable discussing “the girl that got away” or why the gold-digger never liked him. Ladies don’t be fooled by men that talk about doing elaborate things for people they were dating or just met because that’s often a trap to set you up to pursue them or chase after then thinking you will get a “trip/ring/tickets to the opera” too and sometimes that can be the furthest from the truth. You are not there to let him cry on your shoulders. I mean really. When you think about it –isn’t it a little offensive for him to take time talk about another woman when the most fabulous woman in the world is right in front of his face? I mean really. Give him a counseling card, excuse yourself, and bounce if he does this on a date. Put him in the “do not return calls” category. Let him work out his whining on someone else – you don’t have time to focus on someone who can’t focus on you. Remember ice-bergs typically can not be seen on the surfaces of water because they are huge masses that lye beneath. You don’t want to be the Titanic thinking you can navigate the waters only to find the ice-berg was too big underneath the surface to see and now you have a tragedy.
(#5) You are not his mother.
When I was 12 this happened to me. When I was 4 I never got to ride the merry-go-round. I wish I was a movie start. I know I can do something more with my life – I just don’t know what or how. Blah-blah-blah. Tell him to call you when he grows up. I know too many men who have been through such bad situations but they pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps, own finances, made sacrifices to put themselves in the right position and NOT 1 of those men needed a “mommy” in their girl! Real men do! Little boys –talk/whine! DELETE
Don’t think you can help him, support him, encourage him, or help him in any way financially. Ladies pay attention to the latter of what I said, real men who love you will DIE before they ask you to support them in anyway.
(#6) If you want me come get me.
I don’t care what the ratio of men to women is –do not chase a man. You start out chasing you will end up chasing and eventually end up in the 90/10 relationship. What is a 90/10 relationship – one where you do 90% of the work in the relationship and he shows up to receive everything and gives the minimal-10%. Men are simple, if they like beer everyday –you can time them on when they show up to the liquor store. If they like music – you better believe they will find a way to listen to it somehow despite how busy their schedule might be. If a man really wants to spend time with you – then you will know by his efforts.
Example: I knew a guy that was “ssoooo busssyyy” with his crazy work schedule. But oddly enough he found time several times a month to go have margaritas at his favorite restaurant –late night- and have a great time with his boys. Perhaps he went out by himself – but he didn’t think to invite you out-think about it.
You see men will make time for what they want to do and make excuses for what they don’t want to do. Plain and simple.
(#7) If he needs to take the lead then ignore him until he does
Don’t end up being the one to “suggest the date” or tell him where you want him to take you. Over a few conversations things like favorite foods, what you like to do for fun and other things should come up. He should be able to suggest something from there. If he misjudges your level of expectation and he’s not worth the effort-let that be your last date. Example: if you are a regal classy lady and he thinks that you should meet him at “the juke joint” where your “outfit and demeanor” alone is guaranteed to draw attention to you then he blew his one chance to impress you and clearly you two operate on two different levels -hence you are not compatible.
If he wants to try and court you by phone –No!No!
Please see rule #8
(#8)No conversations longer than 20 minutes and no more than twice before he asks you out.
Some men will try to talk your ear off and call you every night until you go to bed. I’m not suggesting you play the game of “unavailable” necessarily – all I’m saying is that you could be revealing unnecessary information to him that he’s not entitled to know. Talking to you nightly until you go to bed lets him know there is no one else around and he’s dominating most of your time. This is when you enact the red-red-green light strategy.
Example: He calls you when he’s getting ready to go to bed/late night (you are his official after thought)
He calls you often trying to draw you into conversation over the 20 minute mark for multiple nights without mentioning “going out”
He calls you again “just to talk before I go to bed”
AAWWW his voicemail he left was so cute. Do not respond any earlier than 24 hours
He calls you and leaves a message saying he wanted to ask you if you wanted to go out Saturday night.
Bingo – return the call pronto and let him know you got his message-and if you are interested-solidify the date.
(#9) It is never okay to short change you
He’s making an impression to get your time and attention. It is not your job to understand how the car needed repairs or how his tire blew. Okay and what does that mean to me? Not to be cruel but he can’t start off on a good foot asking you to feel sorry for him and settle for him ordering pizza and you coming over his house. Tell him politely that you understand and hope things get better. When he asks if you will come by, tell him that you were going to stay in for the night. If you start out sacrificing and making accommodations when he’s supposed to be putting his best foot forward then I’m scared to know what’s next.
(#10) Inconvenience for him / 50-50 or convenience for you
It’s not okay for him to plan a date where he has to drive 5 minutes around the corner and you have to drive 45 minutes.
It’s not okay for him to ask you to dinner for Mexican food (his favorite) although he knows you can’t stand it.
You don’t go clubbing but he continues to call you last minute to “come up to the spot around 1am”…..really? Okay Mr. No one else is interesting to me so I can dedicate time to ol-girl to party. Remember party says, no effort-I’m really not trying to get to know you. It’s more like, let’s see how well you can shake your tosh and what might happen after a few drinks. Anyone who continues to ask you to club with them and refuse to sit down one and one where conversation can take place – toss the number. He just told you what he wants out of you.