Vulnerability. Removing screens and veils, breaking through surfaces, removing masks and ploys, and just being bare.
Being you, without reservation, without script or pacified covering. The raw stuff, the real stuff, the hidden things piled with dust from the ages of not being unearthed.
Who can handle that level comfortably displaying the “you” that others aren’t privileged to see. The “you” that only you or a small few can attest to. The “you” with all of the worries that suppressed you and arrest you due to, unfortunate circumstances.
Staying locked up just seems safer. No one to mistrust or discuss all the many feelings that concern you only to be met with disappointment because they’ve failed you. An absolute contrast to why you considered them credible.
Nevertheless, why not be true to you? Yea, I have a story. And yes, I have a past. But due to God’s mercy and grace, I can now bask in the liberty, and now sharing me is not that difficult. It’s not that tragic. The world won’t end if you know where I’ve been, what I’ve encountered, my test and victory. Why I am who I am, what my thoughts are and what I dream to do and become. Secrets aren’t meant to be held-on to, but to be shared with those trusted few, that are close to you.
Kind of unfortunate though that I felt an ease sharing my thoughts with ‘you,’ which is rare for me, complete sense of comfort and sheer wonder in what this could be. Vulnerability?? Not quite what I’m used to. Not what I usually do. I preferred to stay locked up and confound to my own solutions for my internal problems. For the last time I released them, the receivers weren’t worthy to receive them; trampled them, scattered them putting me in a distrustful state.
But thank God, YOU, who created me, who created vulnerability, can see me for me and not flee, and not GASP and not belittle. But you welcome it, vulnerability! The real stuff, the raw stuff, the hidden things. And He refines it to what it should be. No front, no facade and complete nakedness before Him is of no regret. Vulnerability. My new norm! A freedom of mind and spirit, honest before Him, for in actuality, when God sees me He sees ‘x-ray-vision.’ And that’s ok with me. I rather it be HE than ‘he’ or ‘she’ because the arms of men will surely fail me. I confide in, trusting in He who has ALL Power to Heal and Deliver and to Break every Yoke and Fetter; can destroy every stronghold.
I’ve changed my location; a new address and everything. I reside, at total surrender. Vulnerability!