While some couples were romantically dining at five-star restaurants for Valentine’s Day on Monday, others were eagerly watching (or dreaming of watching) ABC’s The Bachelor. A self-proposed boycotter of the show, I somehow became hooked to this season, particularly the witchiness of the girl everyone loves to hate, Michelle. What a Valentine’s Day miracle that the door has been shut on her romance with Brad, and what an even bigger pleasure that hometown dentist Ashley is still in the running for the featured hunk’s heart. But this show does wonders to highlight the do’s and don’ts of dating, and using Ashley as our “DO” and Michelle as our “DON’T,” here are a few tips the next time your trying to lure a bachelor:
DON’T: The most glaring flaw in Michelle’s personality is her fakeness. She appears coy and coquettish with Brad and even masks her true anger at certain situations with playful punches and teasing, but she truly is not authentic. When talking to the camera or interacting with the other women, Michelle’s mask comes off, and her witchiness is revealed. Eventually, as a woman gets to know her man, walls will drop and her true personality will be revealed; that is exactly what happened with Michelle.
Bottom line: Just be yourself. Unfortunately, if you are not the same person under the mask you initially present, your man will be terribly disappointed and shocked to find he’s fallen for a woman he does not know, a situation that will only lead to heartbreak for the unmasked individual.
DON’T: The ultimate demise of Michelle’s run on The Bachelor came when she stealthfully snuck to Brad’s room to give her opinion on who he should keep (herself), who he should send home (everyone else), and why these decisions should be made. Sure, a woman should make her opinions known to her man – keeping feelings hidden would completely negate the authenticity that the above advice advocates – but there is a line that should not be crossed.
Bottom line: While an individual should respect that you have an opinion, he does not need or want to have your feelings jammed down his throat. Ultimately, women and men have to make their own decisions as to whom they want to be with. If those future plans include you, great! If they don’t, you can’t force that bachelor to change his mind to suit your wishes.
DO: While her tears and constant fear of being sent home is quite annoying (and if carried too far, could be detrimental to her chances of being with Brad), Ashley has a vulnerability that, while kept in check, has allowed Brad to open up to her. While building a relationship, it is important to find a confidant in your partner.
Bottom line: Though constant fear of rejection is not what I am suggesting, letting down walls and letting an individual witness your vulnerability forms the basis of a good relationship. Emotional openness keeps romance real and builds a connection that extends beyond mere physical attraction.
DO: Be nice to the competition. Ashley has befriended the other women vying for Brad’s attention, and while she might secretly want to claw their eyes out, she keeps her jealousy in check. Confidence is sexy, so the competition is often best left forgotten.
Bottom line: I’ve said it before, and I will say it again: Confidence is sexy! Sure you might have to really fight to muster up your inner strength or you might have to “fake it until you feel it,” but no man wants a woman whose confidence in herself doesn’t match the confidence he has when being with you. Forget other women who might be around and just focus on your man and you.
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