It’s natural to want to confide in someone when you find out that your husband or boyfriend is having an affair. But be very careful who you tell that he’s cheating on you.
If you tell the wrong person, it can come back to haunt you in many ways.
Below are 5 categories of people you might be tempted to tell, and how it could backfire.
1. One of your girlfriends
Countless women have confided in their girlfriend or their closest female friend – only to find out that the friend she confided in, was the person with whom her husband or boyfriend was having the affair.
If you confide in one of your female friends, make absolutely sure there’s no chance that she could be the person with whom your partner is having an affair.
2. One of your male friends
Confiding in a male friend that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you could be counterproductive, and might further complicate the situation. You won’t resolve anything by having a revenge affair.
Some men will take advantage of you in your vulnerable state. If you must confide in a male, choose a male relative – your father, uncle, or brother. But before you do, read the next section about confiding in your family.
3. Your family
If you tell your family that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you, they’ll remember the unfortunate event even long after matters have been resolved. Elephants aren’t the only ones who never forget.
You may forgive him, but your family may not. If the two of you decide to reconcile, your family may get angry with you for taking him back.
Or they could also make things difficult by harboring ill feelings, or showing hostility toward him at family gatherings because he cheated on you.
Another reason not to tell your family, is that male relatives (brothers, uncles, or your father) can be very protective, and may decide to do your spouse or significant other, physical harm.
4. His family
You may think that if you tell his family, you’ll gain his sympathyIf you tell his relatives that he’s cheating on you, they may accuse you of exaggerating, side with him
Or even worse – they may blame you for the fact that he’s having an affair.
If you’re hoping to gain their sympathy
5. One of his male friends
If you tell one of his male friends, he might try to lie for him out of a misguided sense of male loyalty.
Or he may coach him on how to better cover his tracks.
There’s also the possibility that the friend you tell could be having an affair of his own, and will have no sympathy for you in your situation.
Who Is It Safe to Tell?
1. Your therapist
If you have a therapist, this is probably the best person to tell. A trained professional can help you deal with the emotional trauma that accompanies infidelity.
2. Your spiritual leader
Your minister, priest, rabbi, elder, or imam (depending on your faith) can counsel you, and offer you words of comfort that can help you while you’re dealing with your mate’s infidelity.
3. A trusted female friend
It can be therapeutic to confide in a close female friend – one who you’re absolutely sure is not the person your spouse or significant other is cheating with.
Choose a friend who will not try to tell you how you should handle the situation, because that something you’ll ultimately have to decide for yourself.
You want a friend who will just be there for you when you need a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on, and who won’t blab to others, or put your personal business “in the street”.
4. A gay male friend
There’s no chance that he’ll try to come on to you while you’re in a vulnerable state – you’re not his “cup of tea.” But you will get a sympathetic ear and some kind and soothing words.
5. A male authority figure your husband or boyfriend respects
If you feel comfortable confiding in this person, he may be able to intercede in your behalf and talk some sense into your mate’s head, so you can get your marriage/relationship back on track.
6. Your pet
You can always talk to your dog or cat, if you have one. He or she will listen attentively without interrupting, offering an opinion or trying to tell you what to do.
And your secrets will be safe, and you won’t have to worry about them telling anyone else.
Other Mistakes You’ll Want to Avoid
Telling the wrong person is just one of the mistakes you won’t want to make when you find out that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you.
Regardless of whether you eventually decide to leave him, or stay with him and try to work things out, there are a few other things you shouldn’t do.
It’s important to avoid making the kind of mistakes that can make a bad situation worse by sabotaging whatever course of action you later decide to take.
For information on five additional things you should avoid doing and the reasons why, request a free copy of the tip sheet entitled “5 Things You SHOULDN”T Do If He’s Cheating on You” by e-mailing [email protected] with the words 5 Things -Xm in the subject line.
For more practical infidelity advice, visit www.NationalInfidelity.com or see the list of articles below.
*** © copyright 2011 Ruth Houston / All Rights Reserved.
Ruth Houston is a New York-based infidelity expert who is frequently called on by the media to comment on high profile infidelity and popular infidelity issues in the news. She is the founder of www.InfidelityAdvice.com, the author of Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs, and publishes the InfidelityNews and Views blog. To interview infidelity expert Ruth Houston, or have her speak at your next event, call 718 592-6029 or e-mail [email protected]
For other practical infidelity advice, visit www.NationalInfidelity.com or see the list of articles below.
What Should I Do If I Think He or She Is Cheating on Me?
Suing the Mistress Can Sometimes Be a Good strategic Move
How to Sue Your Husband’s Mistress – Basic Things You Need to Know
Will He Leave You for Her?
What You Need to Know about Your Husband’s Mistress and Why
7 Steps to Catch a Cheating Mate
Is He Cheating? Is She Cheating? – 21 Ways You Can Tell (free tip sheet)
12 Valid Reasons to Snoop if You Suspect Your Mate May Be Cheating on You
Before Searching for Signs of Infidelity, Prepare Yourself for What You Might Find
How to Get a Cheater to Tell You the Truth about His Affair
40 Fatal Signs That You’re about to Be Dumped
You Think He’s Cheating on You – Is It Intuition or Insecurity?
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (soft cover book)
Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs (e-book version with Affair Recovery information)
The Best Investment You Can Make in Your Relationship for 2011
Online Resources to Help You Catch or Monitor a Cheating Mate
FREE Infidelity Tip Sheets for Men and Women with Cheating Mates
When Should You Hire a Private Investigator to Check Out a Cheating Mate?
Why Most Cheaters Don’t Get Caught
10 Things You Should Know about Signs of Infidelity
How Wives with Cheating Husbands Can Gain the Upper Hand (free tip sheet)
How to Legally and Financially Get Revenge on a Cheating Spouse (free tip sheet)